For the past week, I have forced myself to do the things I need to do... at home, at work and at my writing desk. (Lots of headwork on my Mall Demon Urban Fantasy Series.)
I am fatigued. I sense of malaise has plagued me. I am thinking my recent cross-country trip to care for one of my parents who has been stricken with a life-changing health condition has affected me more than I thought.
This emotionally exhausting crossroads in my life has now affected my production. It's been a challenge to work on my writing projects. I simply haven't had the desire to do it. I firmly believe that writing involves actually writing whether you feel like it or not. So, it's kinda like giving yourself a pep talk.
"I know you don't feel like it, but get your butt in that chair and write 2,000 words. Now! Mister!"
But during the past week, that voice didn't really help much. As I get back into my normal schedule this week, I have forced myself to tap out thoughts on my WriteMonkey screen (fewer distractions that way). It is almost like I needed that week "off." Still. The not writing doesn't sit well with me.
Maybe it's my Catholic upbringing that's channeling guilt for my lack of production last week. I'm not sure. (I'm no longer Catholic by the way...but the effects on my psyche have stuck.) One thing's for sure. I hate that I wasn't productive. Not even vatfuls of coffee last week helped. Writing this blog post is like a cathartic "in your face" expression to that fatigue, that malaise. Or maybe, the most fitting expression is one borrowed from cinema: "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"
I'm not gonna take it anymore... at least, not until next time.
Can anyone relate? What do you do when you're too fatigued to write?
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Thank you for sharing these thoughts, Pedro. I know that all of us, writers or not, have moments of non-production. Those of us who have an extremely strict work ethic are especially prone to feeling guilty about this. Please remember that you are only human. :) Exhaustion, whether emotional or physical, can suck both creativity and motivation out of us. For me, the best thing to do is to take a break...hot shower and a nap, if possible. Then I make two lists...one of things I can and should do RIGHT now...and one of things that need to be done down the road. Even before I actually do any of it, I feel relieved that I've gotten a plan in place.
ReplyDeleteTaking care of or dealing with older parents is so very difficult. My prayers are with you for strength and good results. :)
Thanks for the input and prayers. It is hard to accept limitations. But, yes, we should remember we are human.
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