Feeling Alone

I think as humans we have a longing to be with others.  Who really likes being alone?

I guess, when I'm writing, I don't want to be bothered. But... When the writing is done... Then what?

I stare at my four walls. They don't speak to me except to say, "You're alone."

There's my cat, Leppard. But all he does is go, "Meow."

I wish I knew what he was trying to say. I don't. So... My four walls seem like a prison- solitary confinement. I'm going on 4 years of my sentence.

When will it end?

Uber Stories: Nipples and Drugs

I didn't see the nipples, or the drugs...

But in my driver's seat I heard about them from the men and women sitting behind me in my Kia Forte. 

One of the incidents during my travels as an Uber driver was funny. The other was scary. More to come as I make sense of the two events. 

FYI... you can already imagine the nipples story is the funny one.

Talking To Yourself: Don't Stifle Your Inner Monologue

It's after 2 a.m. on a Saturday. Just spent 14 hours on the road for Uber and Lyft in the Dallas-Ft.Worth Metro area during an absolute deluge of rain. Had to work. Had to earn. I was not happy. Many of my thoughts were the kind many of us wouldn't admit to having. But... as a writer... we should not stifle any thoughts - even those polite company would consider bad. Even those that offend people in our lives.

Here is what I mean. To set the scene... Streets flooding. Visibility - even with windshield wipers at max - limited. But... I remained on the road out of sheer determination and anger.

Experience.... is one of the greatest resources for writers. Now... some of my thoughts during the last 14 hours...

Inner monologue:

"Every time I take a step forward, fate hits me with another obstacle that sends me two steps back!"

"Why keep trying! I can't win. God, help me... would death be better? I'm tired."

"No! Can't give up! I will fail tonight...but... I can't quit!"

"I miss my son. She won't let me see him. Calm down... Don't cry. Don't make a decision based only on emotions. Use your head! If she knows she made you cry, she wins!"

"I can't see the road. Keep driving. Keep working. Think of your son. He misses me."

"I'm sorry, dad. I wanted to come," my son texted me. "My hands are shaking. I'm sad. I'm angry. God! Help me!"

"I'm soaking wet. I'm tired. But... I have to keep going. I miss my son. I have to do whatever it takes to be heard, for him to be heard. I need to keep working. The poor don't have a voice."

"I need a lawyer! I need a drink!"

Today's Writing Prompt: Just Start

Sitting in my car not too far from my apartment. It's a quiet moment in between rides.

I pulled out one of my writing books and placed my clipboard and notebook on my lap.

I began to jot down two prompts. I also jotted down a few observations:

"It's overcast today, but still the temperature hovers around 90. A squirrel searches the grass near a tree. It steps. Pauses. Digs its nose in the grass. It lifts its head into the air - eyes scanning. A step. Anothe pause. A step. Head swiveling left and right. Pause. Nose in the grass again. A low-flying small prop plane buzzes overhead. The squirrel plants its four paws into the ground, lifts its head and freezes.
Will it bolt? I wonder. No. Once the plane passes, the squirrel goes back to foraging.
I sit in my car, foraging for rides. It's been 10 minutes. Maybe time to move just as the squirrel has abandoned the spot of grass next to the tree and has moved onto the landscaped flower beds nearby."

And so it goes everyday. Here's today's writing prompt. Over the next 10 hours as I drive all over the Dallas-Ft. Worth area, I will lean on the prompt to kick start my writing. Try it yourself. Just start writing. Start with whatever you have.

"Start with whatever you have: a scene, a snatch of dialogue, a character's mannerism. You can fill in and sort it out later."

As A Writer You Must Be Free To Think

I'm working on a social satire. So... I'm studying a lot of writers: Twain, Swift, Adams (as in Douglas Adams), and Orwell, of course.

I'm filtering my work through the eyes of a protagonist who sees a myriad of characters who call a modern metropolitan American city home. 

Here's a quote from Orwell that confronts my protagonist. 

"You are free to be a drunkard, an idler, a coward, a backbiter, a fornicator; but you are not free to think for yourself."

The great thing about literature is that the writer may bring his or her meaning to what is written, but readers complete the thought and contribute their reality to bring it to life.

What does that quote mean to you?

Uber Observations: I Saw A Truck Dog Tracking or Crabbing... Huh?

I'm 48 years old. I've driven across the country several times. I drive for Uber and Lyft. But... today was the first time I ever saw a truck dog tracking down the highway, or as it is also known, crabbing down the highway.

Have you ever seen a vehicle dog tracking, or crabbing, down the road?

Let's set the scene:

I picked up a couple from DFW Airport this afternoon. We were on the way to Uptown Dallas. It was on I-35 when I noticed the crabbing pick-up truck in my rear-view mirror. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

I slowed and moved one lane to the right, allowing the truck to pass me. I watched it go past my Kia, realizing that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. It was going "sideways."

I drove silently for a handful of seconds. I broke my silence.

"Is that truck going sideways, or are my eyes playing tricks on me?" I asked the couple in the back seat.

They looked up and their reactions confirmed it.

"I've never seen that before," the man said.

"Oh, my gosh!" the woman said.

"That truck needs some serious re-alignment," he said.

And... that is exactly what that pick-up truck needed.

When I got home, I started googling: "What makes a truck go sideways". And I found a lot on the matter. According to what I read, this dog tracking, or crabbing, is caused by a misalignment of the rear wheels of a vehicle.

I would never have known such a thing existed unless I had seen it with my own eyes. Now... I may have to create a character in one of my stories whose vehicle dog tracks. Write what you know... Now I know about dog tracking, crabbing cars.

All you aspiring writers out there. Pay attention to what happens around you. Interesting details are out there. You never know what you may encounter which could enrich your knowledge as a writer and ultimately, your writing. Keep a notebook and pen handy. I had mine and jotted down all I saw.

NOTE: I was writing in my notebook while driving for a few seconds... but I did it while keeping my eyes on the road. I scribbled on the page without looking at my notebook just to get the initial thought down.... It was messy looking at it later, but... better to stay safe. Don't take your eyes off the road. Once I dropped off my passengers, I pulled off to the side of the road and took a moment to write down all of my observations.

Here are a couple of links to give you more about dog walking/crabbing. One is a YouTube video someone else shot of a vehicle crabbing. The other is an article that ran in The Globe And Mail.

Taking Notes As I Go When I Dream

It's a new world for me.

I am my own boss. I can do whatever I want.... But...

I also need to make sure I make enough to pay the bills. Grrrr.... That is the rub. Well ... I'm reading and writing more everyday than I ever have before. It's exciting.

Just an FYI... I had a weird sci-fi dream last night. I'm writing it all down. I have never had this kind of dream before. I was part of a team to fight some sort of alien bad guy. It's all fuzzy. Kind of like Pacific Rim. Weird.

Life After Work

At the end of May, I ended my brief elementary school teaching career.

After taking some time off during the summer to hang with my kids, I know it's now time to hustle.
My goal is to work for myself. That means pay all my bills and meet all my expenses solely on my own efforts.

I do not want to get another job. It has been challenging. June, July and August have tested my resolve. In the end, I hope this will allow me more time to pursue my writing and artistic endeavors.

Despite the challenges, I have had so much more time to read books and write in my journal throughout the day. I have been able to work on more of my art.

But the balance isn't there yet. There have been several setbacks during these three months of summer. I'm not giving up though. Besides... the experience is giving me tons to write about.

So... time to hit the road. It's about 2:30 p.m. Time to pay the bills. More on that later.

Pedro Is Still Writing

It's late at night...

I am watching the news... I'm drinking a beer. I'm about to make a huge transition in life.

In about two weeks, I will no longer be employed. I will be self-employed.

OMG!

Quote Of The Day: The Surefire Way To Never Meet Your Goals

This one is attributed to hockey legend Wayne Gretzky:

You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take.

This is so true. I have been setting daily, weekly, monthly goals for myself in 2018. I've met some; failed at others. But I'm still shooting.

You have to try, like Gretzky says, because if you don't, you're guaranteed to miss.

Today In History: February 24th - Why Today Is So Dear To My Heart

As you know, I'm on an adventure to reacquire knowledge I have forgotten. So... today I'm looking at history.

If you missed why I'm going on this adventure, just see my post: All The Things I've Forgotten Over The Years: What I'm Doing To Relearn It All Now.

Here I am in my living room/writing area, sitting in my rolling office chair, which is not in front of my computer station. A simple twist and roll behind me and I'm at my bookshelf. Here I remove one of my history books. After reading what it says about today, I reach back and pull out a second book. This will involve more research for a post later.

My 30-minute exercise tonight has given me this Today In History post.

Today in 1786, Fairytale writer Wilhelm Grimm is born. In 1836, American painter Winslow Homer is born.

And in 1500, Charles the V, the greatest of all the Habsburg emperors is born in the town of Ghent. I'll have to go there someday.

Before Charles was 20, he was "the master of more land in Europe than anyone since the Roman emperors, including Charlemagne." It would be wonderful to tour those lands. Add that to my bucket list.

The second book I reached for in my library was one of my Fairytale books. Grimm intrigues me. I have forgotten much. Time to reacquire my Fairytale knowledge.

As significant as the births of Charles and Wilhelm were to the world, today another person was born who is nearer and dearer to my heart. My oldest daughter is 22 today.

What I recall with great fondness is reading Shakespeare together at night when she was still in pre-school. I was a newspaper journalist at the time in Syracuse, New York. I also was teaching at the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University - my alma mater.

One day I made it a point to bring her to one of my classes - an impromptu "Bring Your Daughter To Work" day. My hopes were she would learn as a pre-schooler that college was for her.

She was always an excellent student.... and a better daughter than I was a father. This year, she will graduate from Syracuse University... and I couldn't be prouder. Go 'Cuse!

All The Things I've Forgotten Over The Years: What I'm Doing To Relearn It All Now

It's about 10:30 p.m. on a Friday night. I'm sitting rather unceremoniously in a wife-beater and thermal leggings - my pjs for the night - sipping on vodka and water with a touch of orange... in my living room.

My rescue cat, Leppard, is pawing around at my feet. He is near my work table as I sit between my computer desk and my writing/craft/dining room table. A black, rolling office chair makes it easy for me to move from one station to the other.

I'm a fitful worker. The mood strikes,  and I want to type a few words for my blog. One of the books on my multi-use table calls to me. So, I read a few pages. Then, I notice another book on my shelves. I roll over and grab it.

That gives me an idea for my brown journal - the one I often carry in the breast pocket (with a pen jammed within its pages) of my wool Pea coat. I pause as I jot down the words p-e-a-c-o-a-t. I realize that I have forgotten how the phrase goes. Is it all one word? Is it capitalized?

I google it and settle on: Pea coat... if only to get on with it and take another swig of my drink.

Then it comes to me: I've forgotten quite a bit. I'm speaking of knowledge... nuggets that were once ingrained in my memory, which I could recall at will if prompted. I was once a Trivial Pursuit god.

I've come to the conclusion that I have forgotten too much. So.... time to rediscover all that knowledge. That will be my task for the foreseeable future.

 History. Art. Philosophy. Science. Literature. Music.

I dare say that I have forgotten more than some ever ventured to learn in the first place. Many still have outpaced me. All the same... I'm excited to dive back into Greek mythology. And... I just got super excited... I grabbed one of my old grammar books off the shelf and started reading about the parts of a sentence, parts of speech.... Oh, yeah! My skin tingled.

This will be an adventure. Why not? What else am I doing? What else are any of us doing? Living the same routine day after day. Why not shake things up? Why merely exist? Why not broaden our experience by reacquainting ourselves with our past passions? On this adventure... I M -A -Y even look at subjects I ignored or found distasteful growing up. Math... Ewwww. A subject I wish I would have paid more attention to: Physics. Ahhh... it fascinates me... but... darned math gets in the way again!

I dare say that deepening our knowledge would make us feel more poignantly about our everyday experiences. I'll keep a journal of my progress... of my observations. If you want, join me. Journal and share your experiences.

OK... my glass is empty... and another book on my shelves has caught my attention.

My Quote For The Day: Get Out Of The Shower

So last week I shared a quote that dealt with sweat - as in doing the work to get things done. Today's quote touches upon the ideas we sometimes have in the shower, or more specifically, what you do "Getting Things Done" post from last week. I came across today's quote while reading Melissa A. Schilling's book, "Quirky: The Remarkable Story of the Traits, Foibles, and Genius of Breakthrough Innovators Who Changed the World.

Ferris Bueller in a classic shower scene

afterwards. The quote builds on my

Everyone who's ever taken a shower has had an idea. It's the person who gets out of the shower, dries off and does something about it who makes a difference. - Nolan Bushnell

C'mon... the intro scene to Ferris Bueller's Day Off is classic!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KFVLWX7eEY
My previous Quote For The Day: Sweat

What I'm Reading Everyday

Yes... another acronym: WIRE.

But it works for me. So.... I've learned a lot the last few days. Here's what I've been reading this week:

Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All The Facts, by Annie Duke.

Listen Up Or Lose Out: How To Avoid Miscommunication, Improve Relationships, and Get More Done Faster, by Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton.

Thinking In Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All The Facts, by Annie Duke.

Endure: Mind, Body, and the Curiously Elastic Limits of Human Performance, by Alex Hutchinson.

Quirky: The Remarkable Story of the Traits, Foibles, and Genius of Breakthrough Innovators Who Changed the World, by Melissa A. Schilling.

These were among the books that Success Magazine recommended as Must-Reads for February. So... I'm reading them.

In case you missed it:

What You Must Do Every Day To Find Stories To Write About. If you want to be a writer, this is a must. Very basic advice, but something we don't really do... if we're being honest.

Trying to keep going even when your body doesn't.

An observation exercise on Valentine's Day. What do you see as you go about your day?

What You Must Do Every Day To Find Stories To Write About?

It starts with one word: Observe.

A simple Google definition: notice or perceive something and register it as being significant.

The hard parts are at the beginning and at the end. We must first notice. Then, we must perceive what we notice as significant.

I'm sorry to say that most of us plow through life without noticing or perceiving. I might include would-be writers in that category. But... you are different if you choose to be. It's your choice.

You think you can write? You think you have a short story, poem, novel in you? Maybe. What's stopping you? There are many answers to that question. I will only address two in this post: writing a short story or novel.

Truly.... the barriers to writing either could be a lack of knowledge of grammar, education, experience, or the conventions of fiction, etc., etc.

I'm here to tell you... You can bone up on all that. But... if you want to be a writer, you must first own one skill first. I believe it is the most important skill to master as a writer - granted you have the ability to create sentences. That skill is observation.

A little background here. I studied at the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University. It is one of the hardest journalism programs to get into. I not only made it as a student there, but I returned as a professor.

Something I have never forgotten, wisdom that has helped me, as a journalist and as a writer of fiction, to this day is this: Observe everything you encounter with the eyes of a child.

The question for you? Why are the eyes of a child more perceptive than those of an adult?
Answer... everything is new to a child. Adults are jaded. Been there. Done that. Nothing new to see here.

Yet... as writers, we must fight that compulsion to dismiss the "ordinary."

Case in point... I was driving to work, as usual, the other day. I take the same route. It requires no real thought to drive out of my apartment complex... onto the road... then to the highways that eventually lead me to my destination.

But.... while I was stuck in traffic the other day, I noticed something. I was observing. I saw something on Valentine's Day that I thought was interesting. Here is my observation of that moment. Is it something? Or nothing? It is something?  As a writer, you can make it something. I say it's something. It hones your skill to pull writing exercises out of random events in life.

Go find your own moments. Let me know what you find. I'd love to hear them.

In case you missed it:

Trying to keep going even when your body doesn't.

An observation exercise on Valentine's Day. What do you see as you go about your day?

Down Day: Dealing With Your Physical Limitations

Anyone out there have physical limitations? Of course.

Mine are from injuries. I hurt my back in the Army. It got worse later as a college student working for UPS. I hurt it again.

Since then, my back is fragile. Today, it decided to be really fragile. It doesn't take much. One wrong move and something happens. It's my lower back. Don't know if something in my spine pinches a nerve or what. But, the subsequent radiating pain renders me immobile usually for a few days.

Even typing hurts. I set a goal for this week to write a blog post every day. I'm in the last hour of this day... trying to keep that goal. I couldn't type earlier. Just needed to stay immobile. Sheer determination and a touch of vodka have enabled me to get out of bed and sit at my computer.

I've read a lot today. That's about the only activity that doesn't hurt. I'm in five different books. Inspiring. I'll share more later.

I've decided I'll be adding a couple of themed posts to my blog. I love acronyms. So, I'm using them. I will be writing WILD and MOOD posts. What do those acronyms mean?

OK... it wasn't perfect... but, here it is:

WILD - What I learned (2)Day
MOOD- My observation of (the) day.

I know... maybe, it's weird... But, that's my brain. My Valentine's Day observation would be a MOOD feature, for example.

Now... Back to bed.

An Observation on Valentine's Day: A Lonely Balloon

Driving on the highway towards Dallas this morning I noticed something in the gray sky above: a lonely heart-shaped balloon floating away.

Its trajectory appeared aimless through the gloomy void. I squinted. I focused. But, I could not discern its color. Not red. Not black. Not white. As it wandered higher, farther away, I wondered.
It blended with the dull grayness. Was that its sole intention now?

What had set this love token on its journey to oblivion? And what of the hand that once held it? Stripped apart by what?

How fleeting was the sentiment that it was destined to fade so early on this Valentine’s morning. Like all earthly things, its fate preordained to perish into nothingness.

My Quote For The Day: Sweat

In keeping with the theme of my "Getting Things Done" post, here's this bit of inspiration from The Writer's Little Instruction Book: 385 Secrets for Writing Well & Getting Published, by Paul Raymond Martin.

In writing (as in most endeavors) sweat rules over inspiration. 

Do the work. Just do it. Don't wait for inspiration.

How To Get Things Done Now In 2018

Henry Ford once said you can't build a reputation on what you're going to do.

The founder of the Ford Motor Company definitely built a reputation as a captain of industry by doing. But most of us don't do what we should.

Doing: the act of performing or executing: action - Merriam Webster

Doing... executing... deliberate action that leads you closer to your goal. That is how to get things done. What do I do? Not what I should. I sleep. I procrastinate. Do you? Be honest... What we should do is venture forward.

Now... Daily... every hour... minute... second. Period.

I'm learning that again and again and again throughout each day. It is my top goal for 2018.

For me that means meeting my writing goals, my entrepreneurial goals, etc. Over the first month of January, I set some "things" in motion to get things done. One of my first financial goals was to make an average of $50 a day in my spare time - on side hustles.

For me to say I achieved that goal, I had to make an average of $50 a day for seven straight days. Last night, I reached my goal. Over the last seven days, I have made about $57 a day.

How did I do it? By doing... by executing... by deliberate action. It's a simple solution, but hard to do. It's really a mental exercise: you versus yourself inside your head.

"I should get up off the couch and get to work," you think to yourself. "OK... one more hour of Netflix, then I'll get up."

... Three hours later...

"It's almost midnight," you say. "It's too late now. I'll do it tomorrow."

... Three days later...

"I'll do it next week for sure."

Any of that sound familiar? That's me sabotaging my own efforts. It's me when I'm not doing... not executing... not taking deliberate action. Set a goal. Then fight yourself every day to do it. Execute every day. Take action every day.

Like Yoda from Star Wars said to young Luke Skywalker: "No! Try not! Do or do not, there is no try."

Trying is lying.

What have you done to meet your goals? What inspires you? Please share with me. We are in this together.

Boo. Didn't Make My Goal

Pack it up...

Didn't make $800 in Eight days. Well... I'm packing up my apartment... About to post everything I can on E-bay... 

My car is going to be repossessed... Life was good....

OK... it's not that dire... 

Yes... I didn't make the $800... but... I managed. 

It's amazing how much we can accomplish when our back's to the wall.

It's on... we are about to kick it into another gear...